I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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