I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have post one night stand depression
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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