haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize