I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
