So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
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i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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