when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
