farters have to be the big spoon...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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