Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
