No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
