after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
