It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
