trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
