I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
