evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
