that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
