bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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