Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
