I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize