He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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