Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
