how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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