the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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