1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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