i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
