So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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