I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Im part way to drunk.
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In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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