Plan B is the new Plan A
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
