I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
