he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
