I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
