you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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