After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
