That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
