If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
this is an emotional support booty call
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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