Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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