Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize