my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
