But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
