he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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