Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
