in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
