You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
