wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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