i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
