Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
