I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
