You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
