I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
another moral hangover. fuck.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
