Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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