Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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