Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Apparently you make a good broom.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
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I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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