I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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