how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
