This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
