I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
