He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this boner is exhausting
I'm passing your future prison.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize