return my video game
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
