I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
