i permit you to call me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize