We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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