I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
